Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Review

tmnt-all

The movie begins with Splinter telling the Turtles how dangerous it would be for them on the surface and how they will eventually become the defenders of New York City. But the movie really begins with April O’Neil pissed off with her latest assignment and how she never achieve the status that the big name reporters have. So she starts investigating the activities of the criminal organization known as the Foot Clan and while riding back to her apartment, she happens across a Foot Clan robbery at a shipyard where she witnesses a vigilante attack that foils the attempted robbery. Once the area is clear, she investigates and finds a strange symbol painted on a shipping container and takes a photo.

Next day at Channel 6 HQ, she tells her boss that she was a witness to the attempted robbery and the vigilante attack and shows her the photo of symbol and she is instantly ignored. But April is unwilling to give up the story so while in the van with  Vernon Fenwick, they see people running from a subway station and April runs in to see what’s going on and is soon captured and taken hostage by the Foot Clan. The mysterious vigilantes quickly come to the rescue and disappear up a dust shoot so she runs up the fire escape of a nearby fire escape where she sees them celebrate their victory and takes a photo. However, the flash gives her away and she confronted by them. She sees they’re not human and eventually faints. She wakes up and finds them standing over her asking if she was okay. The turtles argue amongst themselves and give April back her stating that the picture has been deleted from the memory and threaten her that if she says anything about their existence, they will find her (very Liam Neeson!) but that doesn’t stop her taking another photo as they leave.

As she heard that one is called “Raphael”, she goes back to her apartment and finds a box with a scientific journal in it detailing Project Renaissance where she named she four turtles after renaissance artists…

You know what, I can’t even finish this review as I wasn’t even paying attention and spent the majority using my phone or mentally playing Angry Birds. Although I did smile at some of wisecracks that Mikey delivered, I found this movie to be stupid and boring. It also relied too heavily on gratuitous slo-mo and things exploding and some things in it just didn’t make sense like Splinter becoming a ninja master after reading a book on ninjitsu he found in the sewer and the line “We’ll drain every last drop of blood from them, even if it kills them”, if you drain blood from any living thing, OF COURSE IT WILL KILL THEM! Dumbass!

I have no favourite scene so here’s an honest trailer

and my favourite scene from Taken

My score: 3 / 10

Final thought: DAMN YOU, MICHAEL BAY!!!

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