Tales From An Elevator – Death’s Desire

A job can keep you real busy and a break is needed now and again but some jobs are so demanding, a break is needed…

You’d think that movie premieres are no big deal, right? A crowd of hysterical fans squashed together behind barriers desperately trying to get a glimpse of their favourite stars walking up a red carpet (or sometimes a different colour) with the lucky ones getting a hand shake and/or an autograph, dozens of flashes from paparazzi cameras and fan cameras both hoping to get that excellent shot for either prosperity or selling to the highest bidder, and the TV news reporters telling us about the massive crowds and other things that I may have previously mentioned. But this upcoming premiere which is detailed in the short story that’s about begin now is far, nay, miles, nay, LIGHT YEARS from normality. Why, you may ask, well, I’ll tell you why.

Many people are rushed off their feet in their careers and find it extremely difficult to adhere to their extremely demanding schedules in both their work and personal lives. None comes to mind right now… oh how about a lawyer, s/he would be in and out of meetings constantly, deciding on which clients to represent and staying up to date with the law. Sounds hectic yeah?

Now let us move on to another plain of existence, this place is known as the Deadlands where the recently deceased are met by Death, or the Grim Reaper if you happen to be more familiar with that name, and from here he escorts them into the afterlife. Think of him as a bouncer outside a nightclub only not as beefy or intimidating and he is in employ of the Deceased Assessment Board, which assesses each new client and determines whether they are destined for Ascension or Descension.

With the passing of each century, technologies have been updated and Death has learned to adapt and thanks in large part to Steve Jobs, and uses a diePhone and a diePad Mini but still carries around the scythe because… well, it’s traditional. However, I’m veering off topic here.

The job is very hectic as thousands upon millions of names are added to the ledger every second and Death needs time to relax, even if it’s just watching TV or reading a book or something (imagine if he was reading this story… woah, that’d be a serious messing with your mind moment eh?). It’d be hard to imagine the busiest entity in the universe finding some down time but he does.

Swinging open his front door, Death was greeted by his butler, Stephen. “Good afternoon, sir,” he said in a strong, posh British accent. “May I take your scythe?”

“Yes,” Death replied in a deep, booming voice and handed him the scythe. He shut the door and said, “Stephen?”

“Yes sir?”

“I’m going upstairs to change out of this cloak.”

“Yes sir.”

“Can you make me a coffee?”

“Yes sir.”

“And could you please stop calling me sir? I told you I don’t like that.”

“Certainly sir.” And with almost military precision, he turned on his heel and walked into the kitchen. Death rolled his eyes (yes… even though he’s just a skeleton, he does have eyes) and sighed; he should know that Stephen was set in his ways and asking him to stop addressing him as sir was impossible feat to achieve.

He loosened the rope on his cloak and went upstairs.


Death was feeling better now that he’d changed into a jet-black robe and a pair of… eh… fuzzy pink slippers. He walked into the lounge and Stephen was standing to attention beside the sofa. He felt a pang of temptation to say ‘At ease soldier’ but managed to resist and instead said, “Hello Stephen.”

“Hello sir,” he responded. “There is sir’s coffee on the coffee table and I’ve put it in sir’s favourite mug.”

One thing Death was really thankful for, he may not be able to get Stephen to stop calling him sir but at least he didn’t refer to himself as one; that would kind of creep him out. He sat down the sofa, leant over to pick the mug and took a sip. “Thank you lovely,” he said.

“You’re welcome sir,” he said. “May I fetch you anything else?”

“No, thank you.”

“Well if you’ll excuse me sir, I will go into the kitchen.” Stephen left the room and Death took another drink from his coffee; if you’re wondering how Death can eat or drink despite having no internal organs, it’s all a simulation. Anyways, he picked up the remote and pressed the button to turn on his giant 42-inch plasma screen hi-def TV. He surfed through the channels to find something to watch… the usual stuff, Judge Judy, Deal Or No Deal, Law & Order: SVU, Hawaii Five-O, SpongeBob SquarePants, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Adventure Time… all these annoyed him.

He got to the E! Channel and stopped as they were talking about Carlton Edwards’ newest movie The Scorpion’s Sting: The Blood of the Angels. Carlton was being interviewed by a woman sitting across from him, “I’m Kathryn Jameson,” she began, “and I’m talking to Carlton Edwards whose new movie premieres tomorrow night in the Chinese Theatre in Hollywood. Hello Carlton.”

He smiled broadly at her and said, “Hello Kathryn, how are you?”

“I’m very well, thank you. So what made you want to do this movie?”

“I always wanted to do a thriller because everyone would know me best as a director of dramatic films but nothing… “he laughed, “exciting.”

“So you think your earlier movies are boring?”

“Well not me personally but I would imagine some cinema goers would have found them boring.”

“Directing a thriller is very out of character for you, have you been tempted to do anything else out of character?”

He puffed and thought for a moment before he responded with, “Well, I am tempted to direct a comedy, either a witty one or a very silly one featuring innuendos and lowbrow humour or a spoof movie. I love spoofs.”

“Really? What’s your favourite?”

“That’d have to be Scary Movie 3.”

They both chuckled. Kathryn continued, “Anyway, back to your movie.”


“What was it like working with your two leads, Ariel Heath-Kielding and Tyler Harrison?”

“I really enjoyed working with them and I’m sure they liked working with me,” he said. “We became good friends during filming and there were no disagreements.”

“So do you think have potential franchise on your hands?”

“Hmm,” he stroked his chin and answered with, “well, I never had the intention of doing a sequel, it’s just too early to say. But if this is successful, I would be open to the idea of Scorpion’s Sting 2.”

“Carlton Edwards, thank you very much for talking to me.”

“You’re very welcome Kathryn,” he said and lent over to shake her hand.

Death pressed the power button on his remote and laid it down on the table. He drank the last of his coffee and thought to himself, Carlton Edwards’ new movie premieres tomorrow eh?

Suddenly, the metaphorical light bulb appeared over his head as an idea suddenly materialized in his mind. Jumping to his feet and nearly knocking over the table in the process, he shouted, “Stephen!”


Carlton closed his front door; he put his keys in his pocket and hung his jacket on the hook on the wall beside the door. He walked into the lounge, opened the liquor cabinet and took out a bottle of whisky and a glass. He poured some into the glass, downed it, poured himself another and put the bottle back in the cabinet. Carlton wasn’t a regular drinker but whenever he did, it was usually when he was socializing or to calm his nerves. Whisky seemed to have that calming effect on him. He downed his second whisky and felt a warmth in his stomach that was soothing; he put the glass back in the cabinet, closed it and crashed down on the sofa.

He reached over for the remote and a deep voice boomed, “Don’t bother, there’s nothing to watch.”

Carlton froze and started breathing heavily; horrifying images flashed through his mind, could he have interrupted a burglary in progress and now this burglar would kill him viciously or was it one of those deranged fans that’d developed an obsession with him and would kill him viciously before confessing their undying love? The voice sounded male so, in a way, he hoped it was the former.

He tilted his head in the direction the voice came from and saw a tall skeleton wearing a jet-black cloak and wielding a scythe. “Hello Carlton,” it said.

He jumped off the sofa and screamed, “What the hell are you?”

“Calm down,” it stood up. “I’m Death.”


“Yeah Death,” Carlton looked at him in confusion. “Most of you humans know me as the Grim Reaper.”

“But you-you’re f-fictional.”

“Well I can assure you, I’m very real.”

A panicked look crossed his face and following a long exhalation, asked, “Have I died? Have you come to collect me?”

Death walked over to the liquor cabinet and looked inside, “Whisky, eh?”

Carlton stared at him intensely, a look that screamed Just answer me!

“No, you haven’t died and I’m not here to collect you.”

Carlton exhaled again, but this time out of relief. “So, why are you here then?”

He took a few steps toward him and said, “I want to ask you a favour.”

“Okay… what is it?”

“I watched your interview on the E! Channel earlier and I’m very much looking forward to seeing your new movie. I’m a big fan.”

Carlton smiled nervously; he was still getting over the fact that what he thought was a fictional character is actually non-fictional, now he finds out that he was one of his biggest fans. “Erm, thank you,” he said.

“Anyways,” Death continued, “I work for the DAB, the Deceased Assessment Board, and my job is real hectic. I mean look at this…”

He produced his diePad Mini and put in the password. Carlton walked up next to him and asked, “Steve Jobs yeah?”


Death pressed the ledger app and a huge list of names popped up on screen. “Woah!” Carlton exclaimed. The amount of names on the list was staggering and names kept appearing, It took him by surprise as he swiped up.


“Is that all for tonight?”


“So how can I help?” he was still unclear as to what Death wanted. Death turned off the diePad Mini and shoved it into his cloak and said, “I want to go your movie premiere.”

Carlton was hesitant; I mean like what could he say. A straightforward yes or no seemed like an impossibility but he knew that he needed to say something as Death was looking at him with high expectations. Afterwards, he managed a very feeble sounding, “I don’t know.”

“Why don’t you know?”

Before answering, Carlton reached inside the liquor cabinet and poured himself another shot of whisky. He downed it and said, “Well isn’t your job far more important than this?”

“Yeah but… I’ve never been to a movie premiere,” Death said.

“So have lots of people.”

Getting desperate, Death nearly threatened him with an accident a la the Final Destination movies but didn’t because in doing so, he would appear petty and small. “Well, do you have… someone to cover for you?”

Death felt hopeful. “Yes,” he said, “my butler Stephen.”

“Wait, you have a butler?”


“Hmm, I always imagined you doing things for yourself.”

“Well, having Stephen was the boss’ idea. He felt that I was running myself ragged and a butler would’ve taken the load off, as it were.”

“I see. Okay then, you can come.”

“Thank you!” Death said as he wrapped his arms around Carlton and squeezed tightly and then after a few seconds, he realised the awkwardness of the situation and backed off. He cleared his throat and said, “Thank you, Mr Edwards.”

“Err yeah… you can be my guest.”

“Woah… accompany the director down the red carpet! Cool!”

Carlton smiled, he loved making people happy but this was a whole new experience for him. “When should I be here?” Death asked.

“Well, the premiere is at eight so can you be here at seven?”

“Sure,” he replied. “I’ve got to get going now.”

Walking to the front door, Carlton shouted after him, “Wait! What if someone sees you?”

“Don’t worry,” he said, “people can’t see me unless I want them to see me.”

He closed the door behind him and Carlton crashed down on the sofa. It was at that moment, he heard a loud neigh and the fast beating of hooves gradually becoming fainter and fainter.


Carlton was both excited and nervous about tonight. As he dressed in his best Armani suit, thousands of questions kept coming to mind like bubbles in a fizzy drink. But the question that took prevalence over all others was would the fans enjoy this?

He went downstairs, looked at himself in the mirror and checked to see if his tie was straight. “You look nice,” a voice boomed.

Carlton turned around to see Death wearing a golden robe with an encrusted diamond lining and carrying a crystal scythe. “Thank you,” he said, “and I could say the same thing about you.”

Death smiled, “Thanks, this is my special occasion wear.”

Carlton stared at him with a raised eyebrow and asked, “Special occasion?”

“Yeah, I would wear this if I was due to meet celebrities and royalty. Nice eh?”

“Yeah,” he said. “C’mon, we’d better get going.”

Carlton grabbed his car keys and they both left the apartment. As Carlton locked the door behind him, he heard Death say, “Wow!”


“Really cool Ferrari.”


They both got in. “What about your horse?” Carlton asked as he pointed toward it.

“Oh don’t worry about Stroke, he’ll be fine.”

“You sure… we’ll be gone a long time?”

“Relax, he’s not like your Earth horses.”

“Yeah I can see that, but he’s still an animal.”

“Hey Stroke!” Death shouted. Stroke looked up, “Carlton wants to know if you’ll be okay?”

Stroke neighed loudly and nodded his head. Death looked at Carlton.

Carlton said, “Puts a whole new spin on the phrase straight from the horse’s mouth, doesn’t it?”

He put the keys in the ignition, turned them and the car revved into life. He backed out of the driveway and drove off.


The waiting crowd were eagerly anticipating the arrival of their favourite stars even though there was crisp chill in the air. The first to arrive was Ariel Heath-Kieldling wearing a beautiful jewel encrusted white dress and elegant open toed white high heels; the dress made her look like a Disney princess but she also wore a black cardigan to keep the cold out. As she traversed the red carpet, she waved to crowd and tried to make the dress seem more attractive by doing the model walk.

Next to arrive was Tyler Harrison, the male lead of the movie. The crowd’s cheering seemed to increase in volume when he made the scene, especially the female fans. Wearing his best suit and parading his best smile, he was in sheer euphoria as the fans screamed and the cameras clicked.

Now the person of the moment arrived, the director. Carlton got out his car and then helped Death out; the crowd fell deathly silent as this huge figure got out of the car and stood before them. Putting on nervous smiles, they waved to the crowd as they walked the red carpet and of course, the silence didn’t help. Even though the crowd was silent, photographs were still taken.

“You know,” Carlton said through clenched teeth, “I’ve had a nightmare about this.”

“Don’t worry,” Death replied, also through clenched teeth. They reached the main entrance and once the door closed, they heard the fans cheering the arrival of the other stars.


Seats were filling up fast as the crowd were eager to see Carlton Edwards’ latest offering. Death was very excited as he got to sit beside Carlton, Ariel and Tyler however he had to leave his crystal scythe at the doors as the staff not only deemed it as a fire hazard but also an obstruction too. The lights dimmed and he let out a squeal of anticipation.

The movie began with a man hailing a taxi on a busy New York City street; one pulled up and he got in. He told the driver where he wanted to go and after a short time driving, the driver pulled into an alley where he turned to face his passenger and violently thrust a hypodermic needle into his hand. Whatever was injected into him was extremely fast acting as he passed out. The driver then sped off.

The movie’s main character, journalist Helen Masterson (played by Ariel Heath-Kieldling) was soon introduced when she received an email detailing the murder signed I Am The Scorpion and she soon gets involved in the investigation and has to team up with an NYPD detective named Andrew Morris (played by Tyler Harrison), they don’t get on at first as Andrew is deeply suspicious of Helen’s motives but it soon becomes apparent that a crazed serial killer is running rampant in New York and that the murders are linked to an ancient cult planning on saving the world via blood sacrifice.

As the credits rolled, the audience started applauding which soon became a standing ovation. Tyler, Ariel and Carlton walked to front of the theatre and with broad smiles, bowed in front of them. Death, slightly confused by what was going on, quickly rose to his feet and joined the audience in applauding them.


Much later, Carlton and Death arrived back at the apartment. “I gotta tell you,” Death began, “tonight was just what I needed, thank you very much.”

“You’re welcome.”

“And that movie, absolutely fantastic!”

“Thank you,” Carlton smiled.

“I really do think that Scorpion’s Sting 2 will happen.”

“Well, let’s not jump the gun here.”


They got out of the car and Stroke neighed in excitement when he saw them. “Stroksey,” Death said with open arms. Stroke pranced up to him and Death hugged him. “How’s my big man?” he asked. “Did you miss me?”

“Wow,” Carlton was surprised, “you’re a lot more… caring than I thought you’d be.”

“Oh that’s a common misconception, people think that because I’m Death I’m cold-hearted and unfeeling.”


“Don’t be. Anyways, we have to get going,” Death mounted Stroke.

“Will I see you again?”

Death looked at him with intense burning red eyes (well eye sockets) and said in a menacing tone of voice, “Soon.”

Carlton swallowed hard and made an audible gulp. Death leaned in closer and then shouted, “GOTCHA!” and laughed. Carlton let out a sigh of relief. “By the way,” he said, “nobody, except you, will remember seeing me tonight so you’ll have to keep this yourself.”


“And remember our walk down the red carpet?”

Carlton was still having trouble getting that moment out of his head, “How could I forget?”

“Well that’ll come out differently in the news tomorrow.”


“Bye now Carlton, and thanks,” Death said. He pulled back on the reins and Stroke whinnied and Carlton stood watching as they galloped off into the sky. He turned and fished his keys out of his pocket. When he opened the door, he couldn’t help being struck with an idea for his next movie… a comedy perhaps?


The end of a journey

Hello everyone, I know it’s been ages since I last posted on this blog but now I think that this is the time to kick ass and get posting again.

After three years, I finally graduated from college with a Higher Certificate in Business (I’d passed the first two years of my course and failed the final year, and I didn’t want to repeat so I opted for an exit award)


And here it is. I also feel immensely proud of myself… honest to God, I find it difficult to stop smiling about it sometimes, especially before going to sleep. The parents and I went to the conferring ceremony (or graduation ceremony, if you prefer) and as the college president presented me with my award, I swear the mother felt extreme pride as she kissed me on the cheek and, as she reminded me beforehand, I was “the only one of her sons to graduate college”.img_0089

It’s a week later and I still have the congratulations cards I got (although the one in the middle is a birthday card).

Later that same day, I’d organised a get-together at the local hotel for me and my family to celebrate my graduation where we had drinks, pizza and chips (I’d also invited others but they couldn’t make it). It was a great night and definitely what I needed. Sadly, I wasn’t feeling too well as my bladder woke me up at 6 in the morning but I was able to get a few hours sleep before. But I still feeling a bit delicate so I could stick to drinking coke and I only nibbled a few chips. Still, great night though!

Pictured from left to right: niece Marie, sister Victoria, cousin Leoni, brother James, Richard’s wife Theresa, nephew James, sister Michelle, brother Richard and me in the middle. And thanks to Leoni’s husband, Anthony, for taking the picture!

Not pictured: Marie’s boyfriend Shane.

Look at Marie, she could SO be a model, look at her striking that pose! I think she did for that me because I keep telling her she should be a model.

The X Files Season 10 Review- Episode 1 ‘My Struggle’


After 14 years, Mulder and Scully are back to investigate the unexplained and untangle the web of governmental corruption and deceit.

The episode opens with Mulder recounting his life with the FBI, how he investigated paranormal science cases through the X Files unit, the assignment of Scully by his superiors to debunk it and his unwavering belief that his sister, Samantha, was abducted by aliens when he was 12 years old. The FBI shutdown the X Files in 2002 ending their investigations but Mulder had always believed that the truth was still out there.

Now we rewind back to Roswell, New Mexico in 1947 where we see a UFO make a crash landing and a medical doctor is being driven to the site by bus accompanied by a man in black. Back to the present day and just as Scully is about to go into surgery, she is told by a nurse that she has an urgent phone call from A.D. Walter Skinner. She takes the call and then calls Mulder afterwards telling him that Tad O’Malley, the host of a web show called “Truth Squad”, wants to meet with them.

The pair reunite and meet O’Malley where he escorts them into his car because of his fear of low flying aircraft using “dirtboxes” to record conversations.. As they are driven through the streets, O’Malley reveals his plan to unveil the truth on the biggest conspiracy ever known but he needs their expertise in order to go “all in”. Mulder is intrigued, yet skeptical, as he believes that he could be just using them to further his career so he brings them to see a woman named Sveta.

Sveta tells them she has been abducted many times and shows the marks left behind when her babies were removed from her womb, she also tells them that she has alien DNA where Scully asks if that been verified by a doctor. Sveta answers no and Mulder wrangles Scully into performing that test. Later in the hospital as Scully is performing the test on Sveta, she reveals that Mulder and Scully were a couple, that they have a child together  and Mulder has been suffering from depression that ended their relationship. Scully demands that she stop.

Meanwhile, Mulder is taken by O’Malley to a secret location and shown an ARV (Alien Replica Vehicle) and is in awe over its capabilities. Afterwards, O’Malley walks in on Scully taking a sample of her own blood and sees the kind of work she is involved with in the hospital, she assists the surgeons to operate on children born without ears. O’Malley talks about how “alien” it looks where Scully says that is purely coincidental and they talk about her work on the X Files and her relationship with Mulder. O’Malley then says he wanted to check if she wasn’t upset by what Mulder made her do and that he just wanted to see her.

Mulder visits Sveta and asks why she was hesitant to speak about her abductions and she eventually reveals that it wasn’t aliens behind the abductions but men. While riding in O’Malley’s car, Scully receives a call from Mulder and he tells her that everything in the X Files is a lie.

Mulder then goes to the FBI and Skinner leads him into his old basement office and finds that the filing cabinets are gone and they have a rather heated confrontation about it. Before she heads back into surgery, a nurse give Scully her test results and once she reads them, she asks the nurse to have them re-tested. Mulder then meets with the doctor who was on-site at the UFO crash in Roswell and tells him of the things he has learned.

Later, Mulder and Scully have a heated argument on Mulder’s front porch where she sees Sveta and she leaves but O’Malley arrives and asks her to stay. In Mulder’s living room they reveal the conspiracy, that the government’s main objective to take over the US and then the world and that aliens were actually concerned about mankind and the government have been hoarding the alien technology. Scully is disgusted by this and says that Sveta has no alien DNA.

The next day, Scully watches “Truth Squad” where she sees Sveta deny everything O’Malley has said and he isa liar who made her make up stories about alien abductions. A nurse then gives the results of her re-tests. Mulder, also watching the show, goes to Sveta’s house and finds it empty. The ARV is soon destroyed by a commando team. Scully then looks up the show only to get a message saying that the site has been temporarily been removed. She meets Mulder in hospital car park and reveals to him that Sveta does have alien DNA but she has it too and she is willing to re-join him to stop the conspirators. Sveta is then killed in an explosion as she is driving.

The episode then ends on Cancerman saying, “We have a small problem… they’ve re-opened the X Files.”

My thoughts

I was very excited to hear that The X Files were coming back to TV and that the original stars were back. Gillian and David still have the spark and perfectly compliment each but in all honesty, I didn’t think this episode was the spectacular return to form I hoped and found the plot a little confusing I mean, I had to watch it two or three times in order to get a full understanding of it. I guess that’s just an ageing brain for you.

Nevertheless, I was entertained by this.

Here’s my favourite scene from the episode.


My score 6 / 10

Watch out for my review of Episode 2 – Founder’s Mutation, coming soon!


Last night, I got an e-mail from WordPress saying not only did I gain a new follower but he also liked a post of mine called Me play Sonic 2 which surprised me when I got it. I haven’t been on this blog for so long that I believed that people had basically skipped over it thinking that it was no longer maintained. Well, it was true that I didn’t have time to post and I still don’t mainly because I’m unfortunate enough to be doing repeats for college but I’m really going to try to start this up again and be a bit more regular with it. I might start off with a review. I’d recently gotten The X Files season 10 on DVD and I’m planning to review the six episodes on it one by one and I might stick up a few more gameplay videos. In the meantime, have this one. It’s a video of Abe laughing while his Mudokon brother get stung by bees. Some saviour, eh?

Lost for words

I was feeling a bit bored today so I thought of putting something on my blog seeing as how I haven’t done that in very long time, and I mean a VERY long time! I just had the time to maintain it and keep it updated and stuff like that what with college and my forgetful nature but now with at least college out of the way, I can start to post things up here again.

What sucks though is that I can’t think of a single that has happened recently that is worth putting up here, right now. I could say that I might be off a comedy improv show here in Wexford on the Friday and I going to go to my grand-nephew’s communion after party on Saturday; for those of you wondering what a communion is, it’s… well…  I can’t answer that but it’s a religious thing and kids who are really lucky can walk away with present cash total of up to €150 – €200! Knowing him, he might get more!

So there you have it, just when I thought I going to put a load of nonsense in this post, I had ended posting something reasonably sensible. Here… have a YouTube video to celebrate!

God, I’m an awful blogger

I haven’t written anything in this blog for a very long time and I felt that something had to be done, that I should no longer leave this space empty and neglected. So I’m going to ease myself back into it by writing reviews and hopefully, that’ll get me back into the flow but at the moment things are getting pretty hectic as I’m approaching exam week at college. In the meantime though, I’d love it if anyone reading this could suggest any ideas that I could write about, as a means to get me inspired. But anyway, look out for a review from me soon. It could be Zoolander 2, one of The X Files books I’ve read or a game I’ve played like Resident Evil 0. Bye for now guys